Okay, I am completely incapable of posting my snippet if I go to my mom’s house for the weekend. It just never happens. So, I should probably warn you I probably won’t be posting next weekend either.
Anyway, here’s this week’s snippet…
I felt like death warmed over and begged the energetic boy to allow us a break when I stopped at the sound of a horse. I grabbed the boy and whirled around a tree, hiding from the rider by instinct even though we hoped to eventually garner directions from a stranger. I couldn’t help it. Visions of mysterious riders in black, which was really just my imagination running amuck, grabbing us and carrying us away and back to the evil witch, flew through my head. I shuddered against the small form I kept pressed to my emaciated chest.
The horse and rider stopped. I heard the telltale sound of booted heels hitting the hard-packed earth, the sharp sing of a blade leaving its sheath. My breath froze in my chest and I pressed David’s small head tightly to my shoulder as if that could save him from this new threat.
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18 comments
katewyland
Tight, tense scene. Good job.
P.T. Wyant
What do you mean you won’t be posting next week? You can’t leave us hanging like this!
burnsmillie
I hope this turns out okay…I’m worried. I too like the descriptions of sound…that’s what sets my heart racing for these two!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Set’s the heart racing. Exactly what I was going for. Excellent.
Regina Kammer
I like good descriptions of sound: “I heard the telltale sound of booted heels hitting the hard-packed earth, the sharp sing of a blade leaving its sheath.” Nice.
forrestdl@gmail.com
Well, my sense of smell sucks, so I have a tendency to overcompensate with my description of other senses. See, I never describe smells, largely because I would have no idea how. Still, just the right amount of description can do wonders, don’t you think? I always try to throw in a few scenes in a books that elicit physical or emotional responses from the readers.
Linda Hamonou
It’s just a decoy, right? The horse rider is a good guy who will help her, right? I’m scared…
Susan Schiller
It sounds like she has been through so much already! I like her very much, for protecting the boy… looking forward to what happens next!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Oh, you’ll just have to wait and find out. Mwahahaha!
veronicascott
Very tense, loved this snippet!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Glad you liked it!
raynegolay
Well written. These few sentences have intensity, her fear and need to protect the boy are palpable.
forrestdl@gmail.com
Well, that’s the plan. Always good to know it’s working.
Karysa Faire
Good thing she followed her instinct! And what possible chance do two starving people have against a sword?
(The first sentence was a little confusing–was it death that begged the boy to stop?)
forrestdl@gmail.com
Thanks for the note. I’ll make a note of that in the document on my computer.
Summer Ross
Love the descriptions you use-
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Teresa Cypher (@Teresa_Cypher)
Excellent job of painting the scene! Your details are wonderful. 🙂
forrestdl@gmail.com
Danke, danke.