Wish this week’s had a decent stopping point, but it sort of cuts off at eight sentences in the middle of a thought…
Sir Lionel didn’t know what to think of the boy, and when the girl named Amara slipped from the shadows to step behind David and wrap him in the protection of her arms, he lost all ability to think entirely. She was no girl at all. She was a woman, as dirty as the boy, dressed in rags, but holding a nobility in her spine royalty would be jealous of. A passing wish that she was widowed so he could woo her shamed him, further tearing at his so called honor when he glimpsed her eyes.
While the boy was bright eyed and happy, Amara’s eyes held a coldness, resilience and resignation he’d only seen in the aftermath of bloodbaths. As a knight, he’d seen many a battle. He was no stranger to the pain it caused the survivors. He’d passed through villages where buildings burned, orphaned toddlers cried morosely in the streets, clutching desperately to decapitated dolls.
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16 comments
Linda Hamonou
Nice description. I like his voice.
Danita Minnis
Very stylish. Love the look in her eyes. If looks could kill. 🙂
forrestdl@gmail.com
I just had to! A single look can speak volumes. I use a lot of that in this story. I still haven’t decided what happened to her during her captivity (and I’ve written nearly 50% of the book). But I like the open ended nature of how I’ve handled it thus far. You see the aftermath, but are never explicitly told what happened. People are smart. They can fill in the blanks far better, and with far more elegance than I could ever pull off. Explicitly stating what happened, it feels like that would cheapen her experiences, and the experiences of those that have been through similar.
Brutality isn’t as important as the courage and strength used to overcome it.
J.A.
Very evocative eight! Well done!
Nora Nix (@Nora_Nix)
Extremely compelling. Your prose is excellent and I was really drawn in to the story just from these few sentences. GREAT 8!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Thanks! I’m really feeling good about this story.
P.T. Wyant
Great snippet. I love the way you managed to show a bit more of everyone’s character all through the eyes of the knight.
forrestdl@gmail.com
Thanks. It’s always a challenge trying to create a sense of environment and characterization without telling too much. I’m trying to disseminate information as needed.
I swear this story makes me not want to work on my other one, the one I promised myself I’d finish first.
Misa
Lovely descriptions here. I’m curious as to who the boy is, why the knight is watching him, and what this woman’s role is.
forrestdl@gmail.com
Well, I’ll be back next week.
veronicascott
Oh very interesting twist. I was ready for a little girl, not this woman. Can’t wait to see what happens next. Terrific snippet!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Oh, interesting! That’s what I love about sampling the story among readers like this. It wouldn’t have even occurred to me that she would be seen as just a girl. Of course, by modern standards, I think she is just a girl (well, teenager). She’s still unmarried, and women were historically married quite young. I’m not sure I’ve really decided on her age. I don’t think I’ve ever said.
burnsmillie
Oh, I’m glad she found the courage to leave the shadows…
forrestdl@gmail.com
Oh, Amara will find gads of courage as the story progresses.
Denise Moncrief
“but holding a nobility in her spine”. What a great description. This knight is very perceptive. Great 8!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Well, I imagine a knight would have to be perceptive to stay alive. 😉