I’ve been gone a while <shrugs sheepishly>. Sorry. Didn’t mean to. On the upside, I’ve been busy. I just got Forever After back from the first beta reader and have written about 35k in a new book. Happy days, right?
Not that you care. You’re here for a snippet. So, here it is. This is the first eight sentences of that new one I just mentioned, tentatively titled Seize. I think it’s going to be pretty good, though I have my doubts with the formatting on this block quotes…
I fell out the window next to a boy wearing clothes made brown with dirt, certain mine looked much the same. Snatching him up, I hefted him to my hip and ran, cursing my long skirt as it tangled around my ankles. I felt like the heavens conspired against me as I flew through the night, purposefully oblivious of anything that might slow me down.
As my heart pounded in my chest, my lungs billowed painfully in the chill night air, my arms and hip screamed to put down the heavy five year old, my feet screamed at the abuse as they flew over sharp rocks and branches, I focused on a single thing. It was all that mattered. The woods.
The boy squirmed in my arms, silently asking to be put down. But I couldn’t dare.
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24 comments
historysleuth1
Excellent excerpt Danielle! Wow, opens with quite the hook as you can tell, all the snippet readers want to know what happens next.
How nice to get your work back from your beta. Of course we care. We’re all writers. We totally get the thrill of every step of it. If we didn’t care we wouldn’t come here to read your snippets, now would we? Positive thinking girl!
History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders
forrestdl@gmail.com
Thanks. It’s always fun writing the first scene in a book. You’re all excited about it, and it’s so easy to make it intense and grabbing, just like my short stories tend to be. Frequently, the first scene is easy, getting that with later scenes is a challenge.
As for the second part, I was joking, like always. 😉 Now if only I was a little more productive. Seems like the further I get into the process, the more parts I discover that slow me down.
solowytch
Another who wants to know what she’s running from and why she’s taking the boy.
forrestdl@gmail.com
Well, I imagine if it’s bad enough she’s running from it, she’d have to be some kind of bad person to leave an innocent boy at the not so tender mercies of whatever she was fleeing.
sharonbuchbinder
Wow! Talks about starting with a bang. Jumping, running, racing, my heart’s in my throat! Well done!
katewyland
How did the heavens conspire against her?
Intense and scary. Great snippet.
forrestdl@gmail.com
Oh, you know. They just be hatin’. 🙂
Karysa Faire
Yep, the scheduling seemed to work. 🙂
Very vivid descriptions. What kind of WIP is it? Historical? Paranormal?
forrestdl@gmail.com
Both, actually. Though, that’s maybe giving away too much. Well, sort of. The setting is intended to be vaguely medieval, but not really sticking to any culture or time period. I’m trying to write the story so certain things remain a mystery for quite some time. I’m laying down little bread crumbs for the main character to piece together as she goes. I haven’t decided yet how she’ll discover the truth.
C. Descoteaux
Lovely writing! I would’ve kept going, you made me ask a lot of questions in such a short snippet and I want answers. 🙂
~Charley
forrestdl@gmail.com
Yeah, the sucky thing about these little snippets is how bloody short they are. If it was up to me, I’d post much more. And I’m going to have a hard time next week, because some of the next sentences in the WIP are really short. I want to move it along, but I don’t want to skip over too much…
Denise Moncrief
Oh, wow! This snippet grabbed my attention. So many questions about the woman and the boy.
Anastasia Vitsky
I like the billowing.
For some reason, the falling made me think of Alice in Wonderland falling slowly. It took me a re-read to get it. 🙂
forrestdl@gmail.com
Thanks. I’ll have to look into that. I always like getting these types of comments. What’s in my head isn’t always what other people will interpret the words on paper as.
veronicascott
Very dramatic, no time to ask questions or think, just GO! Excellent excerpt.
Karen Michelle Nutt
Vivid. I could feel the tension, the urgency to reach the destination.
Violet Bedford
I agree. Very urgent feeling here and I am intrigued.
Sarah W
Intense! When woods are safer than civilization, I’m guessing the evil is human? Can’t wait to find out!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Could be. But I write a lot of fantasy and paranormal fiction… kind of broadens the horizons.
Linda Hamonou
I wonder what they are running from and what could have made them in this state in the first place.
Joanne Stewart
Excellent description. Very vivid. Made for a chilling read. I wonder what she’s running from. Or perhaps, what’s chasing her.
forrestdl@gmail.com
I suppose that’s one of my favorite things to write, vivid, heart-pounding scenes that make you want to gnaw on your bottom lip and sit up in your seat.
As you what she’s running from? You’ll just have to wait and see. Mwahaha. 😉
Lorraine Paton
Love the urgency and tone in your snippet! I definitely want to know more!
forrestdl@gmail.com
Thanks. I plan to continue the snippet next week from where I left off. So stay tuned.